Ahoy there

Sorry about the sabbatical, folks. Not that I have any readers.
Kinda like it that way, to be honest.

Here I am, back at home. Away from our nation's lovely capital.
Permanently, in fact.

I don't have anything in particular to say right now. I'm simply enjoying the sensation of typing at the moment.

Was Milton right?
Is our experience here on earth necessary to appreciate heaven?
What I'm getting at is: You have to know what suffering is to know what happiness is. You cannot have one without the other.
Therefore, is all of the evil in the world part of the big plan?
You know, "His plan."

Lately, I've been reminded over and over how necessary sadness is in one's life.
It teaches you something about yourself. Whether you listen, I guess, is your own choice.
Which may be why so many people makes the same mistakes repeatedly.
I know I have.

Simple musings, nothing more. Not at this hour.

Yet I love the way these keys feel under my fingers...
Spuds Mackenzie is staring at me.
He always is, I guess.

Getting Crazy with the Cheese Wiz

So young. So attached.

You held my young blue eyes wide open, full of hope.

You were everything.

I didn't get to fully feel it but for a few times.

But when I did...

The entire world stopped

Everything came together in swirls of salty summer nights accompanied by

bright, orange moons hanging over oceans.

I was so wrapped up in all of it..

I could probably still smell those nights if I tried.

Always nights.

what truly fucking hurt

was that you didn't care.

completely alone, caring more than one knew how.

And now, all I can offer you is thanks.

"Soy un perdedor"

How true that really was.

bored on a thursday

Fucking bureaucracy.

It's stressing me out.

I just need to have things squared away,

maybe so I can stop wondering about my decision...

No.

I know what I want.

This is just what I do.

I've never been committed before.

It's what I've always wanted though.

Part of me is sad. I have spent a lot of time here.

I just feel...

blank.

I need you now more than ever.

John Milton had a way with words

One last one for today...

March 25th 10:40 am

Neither her figure formed so fair, nor aught in procreation common to all kinds so much delights me as those graceful acts, those thousand decencies that daily flow from all her words and actions mixed with love and compliance, which declare unfeigned union of mind, or us both in one soul.

midnight musings

And while I watched your sunny hair unfurl,

my musings swift began to fly their course:

I love you with a deep abiding force

and dream of catching you the world.

So should you hope to captivate a star,

I'll cool the sun and bring it where you are.

And should you dream of living in the sea,

Atlantis I will surely raise for thee.

The Power of Antiques

I was sifting through some old pages.

August 19th, 2008

Here we go again. Down the rabbit hole.

You fell before, you've fallen again.

Alice, how many times are you going to get your hopes up?

That white rabbit is trouble.

You were so apprehensive when you first laid eyes upon those lanky ears.

Curious? Yes.

But oh so anxious.

You can't describe it.

The rabbit just popped out of the brush.

Usually you venture in first.

It bounds away, you stay where you are.

Brimming, grinning

Nothing.

Swept up too fast

no time

no excuses

you know what you like Miss Alice

I never write about my past.

Everything I write tends to concern my immediate surroundings.

Given the clarity of hindsight, creatively expressing old events, old feelings, past people...

can be very rewarding.

The distance from a situation has much offer in terms of expressing yourself.

Time perfects the emotions once felt.

Enables you to truly know them.

Perhaps I will try to write more about him, or the other him.

It's been so long.

I could surely come up with some interesting metaphors to describe the spells I was under.

But you... You will make the lines of my poems long

elegant

graceful

and blissful.

I can't wait to write about you.

Ready, Able

“ Life is about the way you perceive it.

The way you take in the ambience of your life.

The way you take in all of the things around you

And turn them into your music.”

There’s something I’m not doing.

There’s something inside me that needs to be released.

I feel restless and anxious and bottled up.

Talking with you makes me realize it.

I feel like I have no purpose.

My life lacks meaning.

Aside from you, obviously.

You’ve given me more meaning than I had ever known possible.

You made me realize there is meaning.

And I think that now that I have you,

I am beginning to feel something inside me that I haven’t tapped into yet.

I desperately feel the need for something.

Maybe my meaning is to love and care for you.

If that’s so, I’ll be over the moon.

But I need to figure it out. Whatever it is.

I don’t feel good about myself.

I don’t feel smart.

I feel like I can’t come up with anything interesting.

And I want to so badly.

What makes me feel the happiest?

You.

But there’s something else missing.

Like you said, I need to sit back and wait.

There’s no good from rushing things.

Maybe I feel like I need more life experience.

I need to go out and experience more.

Being with you has made me realize this.

Realize what is potentially mine to hold and experience.

You have your meanings.

I have my meaning.

I need to go in search of the other one.